Divorce and ReMarriage

This is a repost that I have edited, made some additions to and would like to share again. It has a different title and a bit longer than the first post.

I've never been through a divorce and my parents are still married. So I have never had a front row seat to one of the most awful and damaging events that man has ever invented. But in a recent conversation a dear friend of mine (who has experienced a divorce) described it as going through a death in your family. And that there is an empty void, an empty chair at the kitchen table that can never be filled. Divorce stinks. There is never anything good about it. Ever. And chances are, you have either been through a divorce or personally know of at least a couple of people who have.

I recently heard someone ask this question, "is their divorce scriptural?" I've heard that question (and statement) more than once. It's always gone right over my head. Probably, each time those words are uttered it's in reference to adultery. Meaning, adultery makes divorce scriptural. Here's a question: since when is it okay to get divorced? What scripture is there that says it's scriptural to get divorced for a specific reason? You might be thinking that Matthew 19:9 is the answer. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." The "except for" part does not provide scriptural grounds for getting a divorce. He never condoned divorce. In fact, in the preceeding verse, Jesus states that "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way." I believe that I may be in the minority on this view. I just don't think it was ever God's desire for a husband and wife to divorce, but because of our sinful nature he Has decided to allow it. God has made it clear that He hates divorce (Mal. 2:16). In further defense of my opinion, it just doesn't make sense to say that a divorce is scriptural only when your spouse cheats on you. Does that mean that a woman who is being abused and then leaves and divorces her husband is unscripturally divorced? No, of course not! God hates it that our sins have created a desire and in some cases a necessity to get a divorce. That includes all sins and all divorces.

As with any topic, it would be foolish to take another person's view and ignorantly claim that as your own. Study the scripture for yourself. Think about it for yourself and come to your own conclusion. Here are a couple of things for you to consider. There are only five passages that teach on divorce and remarraige. Here they are: Matthew 5:32; 19:9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18; 1 Corinthians 7:10-16.

James O. Baird wrote a "little" book in 1981, And I Say Unto You . . .: A Study of Eight Positions on Divorce and Remarraige in View of Matthew 19:3-12. In this book he covers eight possible positions on the issue of divorce and remarraige. Here's a reworded list of them.

1. The only scriptural reason for remarriage is if your spouse dies.

2. The only reason a person can remarry is if your spouse "physically" cheated on you. This is the traditional view of within the churches of Christ.

3. A Christian may remarry if their divorce occured before they became a Christian because baptism washes away all sins.

4. Since non-Christians are not in a covenant relationship with God, the laws of Christ do not apply to them, and so a Christian may remarry if his or her divorce occurred before baptism. This is the same ending as #3 but for a different reason. This view was popularized by JD Bales in his book, Not Under Bondage (1979).

5. If a Christian's spouse leaves then they are not bound to the marraige and may remarry. Scriptural justification for this view is found in 1 Corinthians 7:15.

6. Both spouses in a divorce involving sexual sin may remarry. This includes the person who committed the sexual sin, once that person has repented for his sins. This is the view that Gus Nichols held to.

7. Both spouses may remarry if their divorce was for "legal" reasons. In other words, if it was legal in the view of their government.

8. Both parties may remarry no matter what was the cause of their divorce because repentance and forgiveness do not include the restoration of their original marraige to each other.

Let's assume that we take position #2 and cite Matthew 19:9 as scriptural evidence (this is my view on the matter and is probably the most common with evangelicals - especially those of us within the Restoration tradition). If we believe that a person only has scriptural authority to remarry if their spouse committed adultery against them, how then should we handle marraiges within our fellowship when the couple is not married within that scriptural authority? Threre seems to be three responses available.

1. Ignore it. This is not acceptable if we feel that the couple is living in sin. To ignore sin is to condone sin, which is to sin.

2. We can demand that the couple separate because God never recognized their marraige in first place. It has come to my attention that this is a common view. I completely disagree with this.

3. We teach the scriptures. And we teach the couple that their choice to marry in spite of a lack of scriptural authority was a sin against God. And that they need to repent publicly for their sin. But, we do not insist on a separation or termination of their marraige. I understand that you may completely disagree. But allow me a moment to explain.

Think back to when God instituted marraige. It was never for His own benefit. He saw that man was lonely and thought it would be good for him to have a companion. It was for man's benefit. Move forward to when divorce was addressed in the OT and again by Jesus. It is abundantly clear that divorce is a sin and that God hates divorce. For our discussion, the question is then why. Why does God hate divorce? Why does God not want for a couple to divorce. For me the answer is fairly obvious - because of the pain that we inflict on each other. God knows and understands the damage that we create when we sin against our marraige and when we divorce. And his ultimate desire is for man and woman to marry and live together for the benefit of one another. Assuming that logic and reasoning to be correct, why then would God require another divorce that would lead to more pain, more hurt and more damage to a family (in most cases including children)? That just doesn't seem logical. Instead, because the couple has publicly sinned we ought to treat their sin as we would any other - with public confession and repentance.

Though he and I do not agree on all these issues I am indebted to Dr. David Warren for his insight and teaching on the matter.